


Lost That Easy

by emquin



Series: Season 6 Reaction Fics [4]
Category: Glee
Genre: 6.01, M/M, Season 6 Reaction fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 11:41:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3172860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emquin/pseuds/emquin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Season 6 reaction fic. Kurt and Blaine's meeting at Scandals...and the hope that could be just over the horizon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost That Easy

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last of my reaction fics for the premiere of Season 6. I'm sure that there will be more for other episodes and from my intimate knowledge of the spoilers I can almost guarantee it. I like and dislike this one in equal amounts, but I really needed to write something set during the Scandals scene because I needed to work through it. And then, I just needed to give myself and Kurt and Blaine hope. 
> 
> Title is from yet another song, this one by Cold War Kids...

It hit him like a train and it was partly his acting and partly years of being able to hide behind a well placed mask that kept him together, but he knew that Blaine would see through it. Through the mask to his shock, his disappointment, and most importantly to his pain. He had made this happen, he had been the reason that they broke up, the reason that Kurt had lost the best thing that had ever happened to him. Now, Blaine was with someone else. He was with Dave Karofksy and all Kurt wanted to do was scream and cry that it was all wrong. 

The bathroom, disgusting as it was, didn’t matter because it meant being away from them. It meant having the privacy to break down and cry his heart out because pain like the one that was going through him, it needed to be expressed and even he couldn’t hold it back and hide it under stoicism.

A small part of Kurt wanted Blaine to come after him, willed for Blaine to find him this way and see the way that it was all breaking him apart. He knew it wasn’t going to happen. 

He was leaning against the bathroom wall, and he could barely make out anything in front of him. Not the questionable stains on the bathroom floor or his own trembling hands which were pressed against his aching chest. At some point, his body slid down the wall, and he was crouched in on himself, wishing desperately that it really was all a nightmare. The floor was sticky and gross and there was no knowing what kind of things were getting on his clothes or his skin. He didn’t care. 

Kurt didn’t know how long it took for him to calm down and get away from the feelings threatening to overwhelm him and leave him in that bathroom stall for hours to come. Somehow, he managed to put himself together. He splashed water on his face and dried himself with paper towels that felt rough on his skin. He made himself go back out instead of trying to climb out through the bathroom window and making an escape. He was Kurt Hummel and he couldn’t run away, he had to face this. 

Blaine and Karofksy were just where he’d left them. Blaine had ordered a drink, or maybe Karfosky had done it for him, and they were both just sitting there at the bar talking. 

“Kurt,” Karofsky said, “we thought you might have left.”

“No,” he said, “no, I was on the phone. Rachel keeps calling me whenever she gets an idea for glee club.” 

Kurt could tell that Blaine didn’t believe him, that he saw right through the lie. He could feel Blaine watching him, following his every move as he sat down on the stool again and he dropped his phone in front of him on the bar. He ordered a drink, wondering how soon he could make his excuses to leave. Blaine’s eyes didn’t leave him as he did all of this, and Kurt could practically feel the concern coming off of him in waves. But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because Blaine was with Dave Karofksy. 

“So, you’re really doing it, then,” Blaine asked, “sticking around and helping her with the glee club?” 

Kurt nodded. This was an easy topic, even if it did open up the real reason that Kurt intended to stay. How, his main reason had been to get Blaine back. 

“It works for my work study and it’s going to be good being back in the choir room.”

His drink was placed before him and he passed money over to the bartender with a nod. 

“So it’s going well, the fancy acting school?” Karofksy asked.

Kurt had almost forgotten that he was there. “Yeah. It is.”

Inside he was being torn apart. He tried to keep his eyes on his drink or out on the bodies that were dancing, but instead they went to Blaine or to Karofsky and how Karofsky would smile at Blaine and just brush his hand over his or reach over and touch his cheek. It was too much. The pain was almost unbearable. 

It had all been there from the moment of the break up, but Kurt hadn’t let himself really feel it or express it. He had blocked it out until it was too much and now it was even worse. 

“Hey, are you alright?” Blaine asked and Kurt could tell he had moved closer. 

“I’m fine.”

He had to keep his brave face on. Blaine already knew why Kurt had wanted to see him. He knew that Kurt had come to get him back, and his response had been to tell him about his new boyfriend. There was really nothing else to be said. 

“Are you sure?” Karofsky asked.

Kurt swallowed. “Maybe a headache. I think I’ll finish this and go.” 

They both watched him and Kurt wanted desperately to just tell them to leave him there. Maybe then he could really wallow. When he finished it, he sat for a few minutes longer. 

An, “I’ll see you around.” And then he was making his way out of the bar. 

In his mind he had expected everything to go differently. He would leave the bar with Blaine, buzzed on alcohol and being near Blaine. The conversation would have set them on a path to normalcy, to togetherness. 

The moment he was outside, he let out a breath he’d been holding and with it came a sob. 

In his fantasy they would laugh, arms around each other as they stumbled into one of their cars. 

He walked as fast as he could to his car, struggling to get the door open. He collapsed into the driver’s seat and leaned into the steering wheel, knuckles turning white with how tightly he held on. 

It would be the start of a long conversation. He would explain his side, tell Blaine everything he could about his therapy sessions and express how wrong he’d been. They might have even kissed, something to give each other hope. 

He had been so wrong to put so much stock into Blaine wanting to see him.

This was not how his night was supposed to go. He hadn’t gone with the expectation that Blaine would fall into his arms and that that would be that, but he had certainly not expected such a step in the wrong direction. Maybe it just needed time. Kurt wouldn’t give up on them yet. Blaine had fought for him once, and now it was his turn. If Blaine was really his soulmate, then this would need to work out. 

There was tapping on his window. 

\----

Blaine had never expected for Rachel to call him not to speak about her plans for her stay in Ohio, but to bring up Kurt. 

“He’s in Ohio,” she’d said and then stopped to give Blaine the moment that he had clearly needed. 

“Why are you telling me?” He asked and his heart was asking if Kurt was back for him. 

“He wants to see you,” Rachel said, “I told him I’d seen you.”

Blaine was silent for a while, not sure how he was supposed to take it. Rachel was so ambiguous, possibly without even trying because maybe despite being Kurt’s best friend she didn’t know what Kurt might want with Blaine. Was it that Kurt had come to apologize, to ease whatever guilt he felt by seeing if Blaine was alright? Or was it going to be Kurt coming to really nail it home. 

Somehow, it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter why Kurt wanted to see him, because even though Blaine didn’t want to admit it, he needed to see Kurt.

“Yeah. I’ll meet up with him,” Blaine said and his voice sounded shaky. 

“Are you sure?” Rachel asked. 

“Yeah. Um, is Scandals alright?”

After that, Rachel suggested a night that she knew would work for Kurt, and Blaine found himself agreeing. It was only after he had gotten off the phone and stopped questioning why Kurt might be back in Ohio to begin with that he thought about his boyfriend. Dave Karofsky. His unexpected rebound. 

Blaine hadn’t been looking for someone new. His therapist had suggested dating, that he get out and try to move on, but Blaine hadn’t been ready to really seek out a new relationship. Connecting with Dave, it had all been accidental. It had been nice to see a familiar face that wasn’t Sam who just didn’t seem to get Blaine anymore, or his parents who also didn’t really get it. They had bonded talking about Kurt. 

Hung out a few times and then, one night Dave just kissed him and Blaine had gone with it. Kissing was always nice, and Blaine hadn’t expected that he would like Dave, but he did in a way. 

Dave was supportive, he was encouraging, and he wasn’t afraid to show his emotion and while Blaine had realized rather quickly that what he felt for Dave was nowhere near what Dave felt for him, it had been too hard to give up on the easy friendship and affection that came from Dave for him. 

He would need to tell Kurt. It didn’t matter that a part of Blaine, the part that was still so sure that he and Kurt were it, was telling him that if Kurt was there for him he needed to go for it. His therapist had told him that he couldn’t keep waiting, that he had to put himself first over everything and everyone else even Kurt. They had been through this before and Blaine had waited and waited until finally Kurt agreed to get back together with him. Maybe he had rushed the whole proposal, but Kurt had said yes. They couldn’t keep doing this. He was happy now, he had Dalton and The Warblers, and when he was ready he would return to his dreams because despite how much coaching The Warblers meant to him, Blaine still did want to create music and be more than just a coach or teacher in Ohio. 

The night of, he was running late. It felt strangely reminiscent of the night of their break up, except that this time he wasn’t excited to tell Kurt anything. Nerves ran through him and when he arrived, he sat in his car considering just driving away. Steeling himself, Blaine forced himself to walk inside. 

Scandals suddenly seemed like the wrong choice for the place to meet Kurt. He walked in slowly, and spotted Kurt the moment he walked in. 

All the feelings came rushing in. Feelings he had thought were behind him. First there was the pain and the anger which had been his go to emotions right from the moment when they had broken up. Then there was the longing, because he was right there within his reach and Blaine couldn’t not want Kurt. But he wasn’t his anymore.

He almost went in for a kiss when hugging him hello and kicked himself in his head especially when he almost lost himself to Kurt’s smell a second later.

Listening to Kurt, seeing him as he nervously blurted out that he wanted Blaine back was difficult. Here it was, what he’d wanted all along, and he couldn’t take it. It wasn’t Dave. It wasn’t the fact that he was in relationship. It was everything else. It was the fact that he and Kurt hadn’t been happy. 

His mom and his therapist, and the time away from Kurt had let him really see it. Kurt had seen it, had noticed how much they were arguing and how tired they each were afterwards because more than half the time they weren’t happy together like they were supposed to be. If he just went back, there was no guarantee that anything would change and Blaine needed things to change. 

“I’m seeing someone.” 

It happened the moment he said the words, something changed in Kurt. He drew inwards and Blaine could practically see the wall going up and it hurt. The Kurt that had been sitting there at that bar, the one that had lit up when he saw him despite his nerves, he was gone and in front of him was the Kurt with the mask. The Kurt who didn’t just blurt out things like “I’m here to get you back”, but instead chose his words carefully and deliberately. 

Dave arriving almost broke the mask and Blaine wanted to edge away from his boyfriend, to put space between them because all of him was screaming that he couldn’t hurt Kurt this way. He stayed still as Dave jumped into the conversation oversharing and being just happy and himself. 

The nicknames, a joke that Blaine hadn’t intended seriously despite how fitting it all was, which sounded odd and not at all the cute and loving pet names that Dave was trying to portray them as. He tried to not keep watching Kurt but it was hard. Kurt was the light and he was a moth, and there had never been a time when he couldn’t look at Kurt. 

Dave didn’t notice how Kurt was trying not to lose it. How he was so close to the breaking point. In the moments before he excused himself, Blaine almost put an end to all of it. As he left, his eyes didn’t leave his back. 

Dave was saying something, but Blaine still watched Kurt as he walked to the bathroom and he wanted to jump out of his seat and chase after him. He only just stopped himself. This wasn’t fair.

“What was that?” he asked Dave.

“Nothing,” Dave said, “just, um, do you want to dance?” 

Blaine hesitated, then he nodded. 

It was different dancing with Dave, but not unpleasant. Blaine was glad for the distraction, and glad that Dave didn’t try to talk to him. He kept glancing in the direction of the bathroom. Kurt was just there, just a few feet away and Blaine could go to him and he could comfort him and help him and hold him and…and that wasn’t his part to play anymore. 

When the song ended, they headed back to the bar. 

“I think maybe he left,” Dave said.

Blaine had been keeping an eye on the bathroom door and he hadn’t seen Kurt come out so he wasn’t sure. 

“Maybe,” he replied to Dave and ordered a drink. 

Blaine didn’t know how long it took, but eventually Kurt made it back. Blaine could tell that he’d been crying. His nose was just a little bit red and his eyes were just swollen enough for Blaine to notice. Blaine couldn’t figure out how he was doing it. How he was sitting there next to him just sipping at his drink. 

When he left, Blaine felt like it was the first moment he could relax. He would be seeing Kurt again, sure, but their first meeting after their break up was over and done with and he would take everything else at it came. 

“Is that Kurt’s phone?” 

Blaine looked to where Kurt’s empty glass sat and sure enough there was his phone. 

“Do you think he’s still outside?” 

Blaine was already up. “I’ll go see if I can catch him.” 

The car he recognized as Burt’s was still there, and he rushed forward, crossing to where it was parked. In the dark he couldn’t make out Kurt as he walked to the car, but when he was close enough he could see how not okay Kurt was. 

He hesitated and then tapped on the window. 

\-----

Seeing Blaine standing outside his car was exactly what Kurt had not expected. 

“You, um, forgot your phone.”

Of course. This was the only reason that Blaine had followed him. After all, he was with Dave Karofsky now and they were happy, or at least they looked like they might be. Kurt had made a horrible mistake and there didn’t seem to be any taking it back. 

“Thank you,” he said. 

He didn’t bother to wipe away his tears. Blaine had already seen and even though he had run to the bathroom earlier to hide it, that had been more about Karofsky than Blaine. 

His therapist had told him, explained how he just didn’t open himself up to anyone, how he was never vulnerable and when he was it was where no one could see him.

“I’m sorry,” Blaine said.

“Me too,” Kurt said.

Blaine extended him his phone and Kurt reached for it. Their hands met and they both let them rest there on Kurt’s phone for longer than was customary. Blaine coughed and pulled away. 

“I should get back.”

“Yeah,” Kurt said and he stopped himself from telling Blaine that he was going to find a way to get him back. 

“I really am sorry,” Blaine said, “this isn’t what I planned to happen, or what I thought would happen, but for now it’s what’s working. Dalton and Dave, and even being here in Ohio. It’s working. I’m not doing too badly.”

Kurt didn’t know what Blaine expected him to say. If he just gave up, if he walked away then he’d be back to where he started afraid of really taking a risk and letting Blaine in, afraid of talking about the hard things and acknowledging everything he’d done wrong. He needed to move past his disappointment and hurt at seeing that Blaine had moved on. 

He took a deep breath and he turned his body so he was really facing Blaine who stood right there by his open car door. 

“It was stupid of me to just assume that you would be here waiting for me. I hurt you a lot, Blaine, and I know being sorry for it just isn’t enough, but I am. I am so stupidly and whole heartedly sorry and it doesn’t matter because I was selfish and horrible, and not very honest with you and if all you’re willing to offer is friendship then that’s all I will take because life without you is unbearable.”

He gasped in another breath and he knew he was crying again, but he couldn’t be bothered to wipe away his tears or to look at Blaine. So he was surprised when Blaine’s very familiar hands came up to wipe his tears for him. 

“Oh, Kurt,” Blaine said as he pulled his hands away from Kurt’s face, “I don’t…I don’t know what to say.”

“And that’s okay,” Kurt said trying to make his voice not shake, “I should get going.”

Blaine nodded and Kurt made himself turn his legs back into the car. Blaine still stood in front of the door and for a moment Kurt thought that he might have found something to say, but instead he moved aside and then closed it gently. 

\----

“Hey,” Dave said, “I guess you caught him.”

Blaine nodded. “I actually just came in to say I was heading home. I have an early morning and this just took a lot out of me.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Dave said with an easy smile, “will you be okay driving home because I could take you if you want.” 

“I will be,” Blaine said and smiled. Dave pulled him into a hug and before he pulled away kissed his cheek. 

All it did was remind Blaine of the pain and shock that Kurt had tried to hide when he first saw Dave kiss his cheek earlier. 

“See you later,” he muttered and walked away feeling like the entire world was crumbling once more.

He made it out of Scandals and then to his car and he had to wonder for a moment how everything had gotten so turned around or how he hadn’t realized that things weren’t as good as he thought they were. Yes, he was happy with Dave to the extent that he could be with someone that wasn’t Kurt and that he had nearly nothing in common with. The thing was that Dave was so not Kurt even down to how easy he shared his thoughts, emotions, and how open and ready he was to take Blaine in as broken as Blaine was. 

Kurt was back. He was back and he was ready to work for it. After the shock of hearing that Blaine was dating, Blaine had expected him to just close himself up again but it hadn’t happened. Kurt despite the shock and pain had just pushed on offering friendship and apologies knowing fully well that it wasn’t enough. 

That had been his Kurt. The Kurt had hadn’t been present for weeks and months back in New York in the time leading up to his decision to break them up. 

An obstacle, any obstacle would have sent that other Kurt reeling back into himself and yet now it was like he was trying his hardest to let Blaine just see him tears and all. 

He parked his car in his parent’s driveway and leaned back in his seat. There was a lot to still consider. Diving headfirst would be a mistake, but he couldn’t help but let hope blossom in his heart. Everything might still turn out okay and only time would tell.


End file.
